Monday, June 20, 2005

Gay Friendly

A young woman walks into the Bistro.

“Is your restaurant gay friendly?” she asks.

“Yes Madam,” I reply. I’ve gotten this question before.

“I want to take my partner out for her birthday. We only patronize gay friendly establishments,” she says.

Wow. Militant.

“You come to the right place,” I say.

“Are you listed in any directories as gay friendly?” she queries.

“Yes.” I tell her which ones.

Satisfied the woman asks, “Can I have a table for two this Saturday at 7pm?”

“No problem,” I say. I take down the lady’s information.

“Can I have that nice table in the window?” she presses, “it’s the first birthday we’re celebrating together and I want to make it special.”

I juggle some things in the computer. “The table’s all yours.”

“Can you tell the waiter it’s a special occasion?” she asks.

“Madam I’ll take care of you myself.”

The woman smiles, “Thanks for your help.”

“You're welcome.”

Saturday night rolls around. The ladies come in and sit at their romantic table. I pull out all the stops. I put a candle in the woman’s dessert and even sing happy birthday. They hold hands and talk quietly as they linger over liquors.

No one bothers giving them a second look.

I sigh contently.

Love is love. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and orientations. There’s not enough of it in the world.

The ladies signal for their check. I ring it up. The woman signs the bill. They get up to leave.

“Happy Birthday madam,” I say cheerfully as they depart.

“Thanks for a wonderful evening,” the woman gushes.

“It was my pleasure.”

After they depart I retrieve the bill folder from the table and open it.

On a ninety dollar bill they left me eight bucks.

Shocked I walk towards the back of the restaurant.

“Check this shit out,” I say waving the check in front of Louis.

“Ouch that hurts,” he says.

“I can’t believe it. I was so nice to them.”

“Was that the two lesbians?”


“Figures,” Louis replies, “Lesbians are horrible tippers.”

“That’s a tad stereotypical,” I counter.

“It’s true,” Louis shrugs, “I’m gay so I know.”

I don’t say anything. I’ve gotten good tips from lesbians before. I can’t figure out why these ladies were so cheap.

I sigh.

Assholes are assholes. They come in all shapes, sizes, and orientations. And there are more than enough of them in the world.

I close out the bill. I’m more hurt than angry.

We’re gay friendly. Not cheapskate friendly.

I’ll remember those ladies the next time around.

Isn’t it great how you have to be officially qualified to be gay friendly? I just think everything should work like that. “Sure, Todd is a nice guy, but is he listed in the handbook and sanctioned by the administration as such?” That way we don’t have to think for ourselves at all.

Todd Vodka
What a biatch! I mean, it's not as if she hadn't been planning this little event for days in advance. One would have thought she would have been prepared for the tip as well.

Speaking of which, do most waitstaff prefer to get the tip in cash or on the credit card? I always worry that it takes longer for the waiter to get their tip if it's on the credit card.
Depends on the restaurant. Some you get it the same day, at others it may take several days. I've always preferred getting cash tips, however, because where I work my credit card tips get claimed automatically for me. I like to be in control of what I claim.
It's so sweet when customers like that walk back in expecting identical treatment after they've tipped badly... Always gave me a chuckle
About a year ago I miscalculated and left a less-than adequate tip. I only realized this when I got home and was entering the debit into my checkbook.

The next time we went to that restaurant, we had a different waitsperson, but we aked her if "the tall waiter" was there that night and she got him for us.

He came to the table, I explained that I'd undertipped him and he graciously denied this (I think my tip had fallen into maybe about an 11-12% range on about a a $100 tab.) Then we gave him a $20.

We are always treated very graciously there, and we wanted to make it right.

As usual, your blog has me giggling and this entry was no exception - you express yourself beautifully.

Those two ladies were lucky just to have your beautiful service... and if I'm ever there, I will come and visit you and I promise I'll tip properly.

I know this has nothing to do with this particular post, but I was wondering what do you think of the waiters' lawsuit over being fired for being French?
The article is here:
u mean u were nice to them expecting a big tip? and if they did not give u one, u wish you havent been nice to them. i hope u dont think life is like that. expecting a reward for being nice to people.
often, people who see themselves as aggrieved victims demand much but give little. it is funny that she was so careful sizing up the restaurant but didn't bother to apply the same exacting standards of conduct to herself.
Surely you earned more than eight dollars for a solid hour of your undivided attention and devoted time to the couple. Eight Dollars an Hour is more than I ever made. Had it been me, I would have returned the tip and said, "Let me help you celebrate, keep the tip." Which reminds me of the joke. What did the leper say to the prostitute as he ran out without paying, "Keep the tip."
the owner of a gay/lesbian restaurant in Portland, OR took out an advertisement in the local gay newspaper a couple of years back; his complaint was that lesbians en masse would come into his place, order water, smoke cig after cig, and not leave for hours.

it caused quite a furor because everyone objected to the stereotype that lesbians are notoriously bad tippers and often very rude in public settings.

the truth hurts.

PS: on a recent return visit to this place, I noticed that there was rather large oil painting of 4 women, sitting around a table, drinking coffee and smoking cigs; title: "Bad Tip Cafe". my guess is that most of the clientele still don't get it.
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